Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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