I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
