He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was confusing and full of hummus
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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