You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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