i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
