I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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