fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
