i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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