hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
