so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
