Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
