so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
