Pappa wants mamma naked
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
