I need help removing her.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
