period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
