Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
