He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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