News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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