Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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