Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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