Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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