she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
