i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
