Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
