nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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