...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
