hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am one with the molecules
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
