She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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