not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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