FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
