we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
