Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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