So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
