My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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