dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
