Yo dont text me then not text me
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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