chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
