So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
babies were throwing up all over the place
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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