I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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