Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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