I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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