But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
