It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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