i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
