absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
