your room smells of hookers.
And success
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
