WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
