I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
