i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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