I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
