hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
