You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
