sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
