Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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